GUIDLINES
Harold J. Sala
Love
LOVE
And
over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect
unity.
(Colossians 3:14)
So you think that you know a good deal about love,
do you? It is an amazing thing, this quality we call love.
Like weather and politics, it is remark-able how many sources of authority
there really are when it comes to the subject. There are about as
many authorities on the topic as fall prey to its octopus-like tentacles.
Yet, surprisingly, our knowledge of the subject doesn't really square with
scientific findings on the same. Like what? Think
about the following ten assumptions and rate them as true or false.
1. The most important
thing, when it comes to love and happiness, is picking the right partner.
Answer: False. Picking the right partner is only one factor.
Being the right partner is even more essential. Most problems in
marriage are not with the other person but with yourself. Most people
want the other to change but are unwilling to bend themselves.
2. Few people
agree on what love really is. Answer: False.
A study of more than 1,000 young men and women demonstrates that loves
means the same things to most of us. And what is it? Love is a decision,
a commitment to care, to meet the needs of the other person.
3. Being
intelligent is a handicap to love. Answer:
False. Studies indicate that individuals with intelligence have a
greater capacity to change and adapt to the circumstances of a relationship.
In simple terms, they are secure enough that winning every argument
is not that important.
4. Absence makes
a heart grow fonder. Answer: False. A reality
is that absence causes the heart to wander. Being together is vital
to resolving differences and to growing more intimate with each other.
Separation makes communication more difficult, relationships more strained.
Absence tends to foster romantic notions, but in reality doesn't help a
relationship to grow.
5. People who
believe in romantic love are more apt to be emotionally unstable. Answer:
False. Studies at a major university show that individuals with little
sense of romance tend to be "rigid, inhibited individuals." But people
who can enjoy a walk in the moonlight, or are willing to spend some money
on perfume or flowers, are better adjusted and more willing to contribute
to a relationship.
6. Men are more
willing to let their heads rule their hearts than women are. Answer:
False. The fact is that having said, "I do!" women are far more interested
in material considerations such as a nice home and furniture, a good car,
and social status.
7. The strong,
silent male is more likely to be a great lover than the outgoing verbal
one. Answer: False. The American Institute
of Family Relations studies show that the fortunes of love "strongly influence
the man who is most fluent in expressing his feelings. A 'strong,
silent' disposition was found to be a definite handicap." The bottom
line: The strong silent male is apt to have real trouble expressing his
love.
8. There are two
periods of life - teen years and in your early 40s - when you are most
apt to fall in love. Answer: True. For men, however,
a bit later.
9. If you really
love someone, success is pretty certain in marriage. Answer;
False. Much more than love is necessary to make a marriage work.
Love is only one of the ingredients.
10. To be
happy in a loving relationship, you need to put your best foot forward.Answer:
False. Being completely honest and vulnerable is vitally necessary
if we are to know and really love the other person.
Resource reading:
I Corinthians 13:4-7
Dr. Harold Sala is heard on Guidelines each weekday
afternoon at 5:00 p.m. on WCIF.
Reprinted by permission. Copyright
2003 Guidelines, Inc.
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